Ever since I entered high school as a freshman, I would catch glimpses of Susana in the hallways. Every time I saw her, my breath would catch—she was that beautiful (and she still is). And just as quickly as the moment hit me, I would forget about her. This repeated itself for three years.
Ding! The school bell rings. I meet up with my friend after homeroom, like I always did. The hallways buzz with chatter.
Susana walks by and greets my friend. We hadn’t spoken yet, so she didn’t say hi to me. I barely catch my breath and whisper, “Susana is so beautiful. I have to make her mine before she graduates.”
It was a huge challenge. Susana was a senior, and there were only three months left of school. We had never exchanged a word.
My friend looked doubtful. “Yeah, right… So many people have tried. Trust me, she’s Christian. You don’t have a chance, but good luck though.”
Her comment about Susana’s faith confused me. Was she implying Christians can only like the opposite sex? I thought about it all day. Despite the discouragement, my feelings for Susana were too strong to let a comment hold me back.
Throughout high school, I was vocal about my feelings, but my friends didn’t think I had a chance. I felt defeated, even sad. Susana was so cool, so effortlessly charming, and she could make anyone laugh. Her smile could lift the heaviest heart.
Even so, I refused to give up. What doesn’t work for others doesn’t mean it won’t work for me. Just looking at Susana made me feel at home. I knew, deep down, that she was mine. So, I let time take its course—and it worked its magic.
Within days that felt like weeks, we finally had our first conversation at school, surrounded by friends. I later learned she had been using my friends as an excuse to make me laugh, and that day she succeeded. That was our first real connection. I barely remember the details—mostly because I was so nervous I thought I might faint. Then, as if fate wanted to speed things up, she slid into my Facebook inbox.
Facebook Message Notification
Susana: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Yes.
Susana: How many gallons of water are in the ocean?
Me: LOL, TONS.
Susana: How tall is the tallest building in the world?
Me: I’m not sure? LOL
Susana: So, what’s your number?
Me: ()-****
And just like that, we texted all night, flirting endlessly. It was effortless, like we were magnets drawn to each other. We even developed our own little traditions—“Italian kisses” on the cheek became our playful signature.
Soon, our texting led to secret meetups during school. I remember our first kiss vividly. I had texted, “I dare you to come outside and kiss me.” She came. We met at the stairs in the math building. Her hand softly cupped my face, and when we kissed, it was so passionate that she nearly lost her breath and almost tumbled down the stairs. We laughed uncontrollably. Her lips felt like the missing piece of my puzzle.
From love notes passed in hallways, secret kisses, skipped classes for stolen moments, to big hugs where I could smell her sweet skin—it was pure, intense, and alive. Friends were in disbelief, some jealous. But the ones who mattered were there for us, supporting us.
Her faith didn’t stop her. She wanted me as much as I wanted her. We asked the hard questions: “Are we wrong? Is this future acceptable?” For a while, we wrestled with these doubts, but I always knew we were meant to be. Somehow, we would figure it out.
I’ve been lucky to have a mom in the LGBT community and a dad who accepts me. Susana’s family had their own beliefs about marriage, but they treated us well and with respect. Both families gave us the best guidance they could, helping us navigate the world with love and integrity.
It took about five years to find our footing. Her family didn’t know for the first three to four years. We had to find our place, find acceptance, and grieve those who couldn’t embrace us.
Throughout it all, there were voices telling us we wouldn’t make it, that same-sex love was wrong, that our relationship couldn’t last. None of it phased us. Our love, our bond, was stronger than their doubts. Over time, even some of those who doubted us became proud supporters. Still, the truth is, outside validation is unnecessary. No one can understand what I feel for Susana—it’s beyond words.
Nine years later, eight years officially together, I often wonder what life would have been like if I had listened to my friend, if I had taken her advice. I am grateful I didn’t.
I led with my heart. When you know, you know. What’s meant for you will always find its way to you. People often think they know what’s best, but only you can truly feel the right path. Lead with your heart, and seek your answers from within.
